When we talk to our children in care, every word we choose can have a profound impact. In the world of foster care, we often encounter behaviours and situations that are challenging to describe. However, the language we use can either help us connect and heal or inadvertently create distance. Today, let’s explore how embracing a trauma-informed approach to our language can transform our interactions with foster children.
Describing Experiences, Not Children
When a child in care shows challenging behaviour, it can be easy to label them as “difficult” or their actions as “problematic.” But doing so oversimplifies their complex emotional landscape. These labels do not reflect the underlying experiences that drive their actions.
Consider:
– Instead of saying a child is “difficult,” try “a child experiencing complex emotional responses.”
– Swap “problem behaviour” for “stress-based survival strategy.”
This shift helps us view behaviours as communications of unmet needs rather than personal or behavioural flaws. By shifting our perspective, we foster a more compassionate and understanding approach that promotes healing.
Recognising Adaptation Over Deficit
Often, children in foster care have developed behaviours that may seem manipulative or overly dramatic to express their needs. However, these actions are their way of adapting to survive in sometimes harsh environments.
Try:
– Replace “manipulative” with “communicating unmet needs.”
– Use “seeking connection” or “signalling distress” instead of “attention-seeking.”
This language recognises that these behaviours are efforts to meet needs that may have gone neglected, and it guides us towards building rather than dismantling those connections.
Contextualising Responses
How we describe responses to stress can change the dynamic of foster care. Words like “aggressive” or “acting out” imply a level of intent that isn’t always present. Recognising these actions as dysregulated or protective responses can change how we support our children.
Switch to:
– “Dysregulated” or “experiencing a protective response” instead of “aggressive.”
– “Expressing unprocessed emotional experiences” rather than “acting out.”
By shifting our language, we contribute to an environment where children feel understood and supported rather than judged.
Developing with Language
Our language should reflect the journey of development our children are on, rather than suggesting fixed labels. Terms like “well-behaved” versus “badly behaved” lack nuance and can stifle growth.
Use:
– “Developing emotional regulation skills” instead of value-laden behaviour descriptions.
– “Learning relational patterns” in place of “compliant.”
This approach empowers children, recognising their efforts and progress as they learn and grow.
Foster Carer Interactions and Emotional Descriptions
Changing the way we talk about everyday interactions and emotional states can foster a more supportive environment. Instead of focusing on management and control, let’s concentrate on co-regulation and support.
Phrase It As:
– “Supporting co-regulation” rather than “controlling behaviour.”
– “Overwhelmed nervous system response” in place of “meltdown.”
This language provides a foundation for creativity and flexibility in supporting the diverse needs of children in care.
Implementing Trauma-Informed Language
1. Create a Glossary: Develop a shared list of trauma-informed terms visible to everyone involved in the child’s life.
2. Language Training: Regularly participate in awareness sessions covering compassionate communication.
3. Reflective Discussions: Engage in monthly conversations reviewing language practices.
4. Document Updates: Ensure all written materials reflect conscious language choices.
5. Review Process: Conduct peer reviews of communications to maintain compassionate language.
Using thoughtful language shifts the focus from control to connection, allowing us to support our children’s development and healing truly. As we deepen our understanding and respect the profound impact words have, we create an environment where communication becomes a powerful tool for positive change.
Remember, language is more than just words—it’s about building bridges, creating understanding, and fostering a nurturing space where every interaction is a step towards healing. Adjusting our language is an ongoing journey that mirrors our commitment to support and care. It’s a path that requires reflection, patience, and a genuine desire to see every child thrive.
This guide isn’t static; it must evolve with ongoing learning and input from both caregivers and those we support. When we adapt our language, we not only change how we see our children but also how they see themselves, creating a ripple effect of change in their lives. Together, let’s use language as a tool to build strong, compassionate relationships with the children entrusted in our care.
