From Conflict to Connection (Ages 8 - 13 Years)

Transform everyday conflicts into opportunities for trust, resilience, and emotional growth.

Between slammed doors, eye rolls, and sudden mood swings, caring for an 8 to 13-year-old can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. But for children in care, conflict isn’t just about pushing boundaries—it’s about survival.

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Many young people in care have experienced placement disruptions, loss, or trauma that make them hyper-aware of rejection. Every disagreement, raised voice, or unexpected change can feel like a threat to their stability. That’s why traditional discipline approaches often lead to bigger outbursts, deep shame, and increased disconnection.

But with the right approach, you can turn these tricky moments into opportunities to build trust, strengthen connection, and support emotional growth.

Why Do Small Issues Turn Into Big Conflicts?

Pre-teens in care experience the world differently. Their early experiences shape how they respond to stress, conflict, and even everyday interactions. What seems like a minor request—“Turn off the Xbox” or “Time to brush your teeth”—can spark an intense emotional reaction.

This isn’t defiance. It’s a survival response.

Common Triggers for Emotional Reactions:

  • Morning Routines – Brushing teeth, getting dressed, leaving for school.
  • Discussions About Friends – Highlighting feelings of being “different” or past relationship losses.
  • School & Homework – Struggles with concentration, peer relationships, or feeling left behind.
  • Rules & Boundaries – Screen time limits, bedtime routines, expectations.
    Change & Uncertainty – Placement changes, disrupted relationships, or new environments.

 

For a child in care, conflict can feel like rejection or abandonment. By understanding how their brain processes stress, you can help them feel safe, seen, and supported—even in difficult moments.

In this downloadable resource, you’ll learn:

  1. The Science Behind Emotional Outbursts – Learn why pre-teens react so strongly and how their brain processes stress, memory, and emotions.
  2. The PACE Approach: A Trauma-Informed Framework – Discover how Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy create emotional safety and reduce power struggles.
  3. Practical Scripts for Challenging Moments – Get ready-to-use phrases to de-escalate emotional outbursts, refusals, and shutdowns while reinforcing trust.
  4. How to Set Boundaries Without Triggering Shame – Learn how to establish structure while making your child feel safe and valued.
  5. Step-by-Step Strategies for Everyday Challenges – Find out how to reduce conflict over routines, school, friendships, and independence struggles.
  6. Understanding the Hidden Role of Shame & Self-Worth – Recognise how past experiences shape a child’s self-esteem, behaviour, and reactions to authority.

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Our goal is to enhance quality of life for everyone with a compelling emphasis on the benefits of healthy, therapeutic relationships.