Connecting Through Words: A Language Transformation

As foster carers, we hold a unique position in the lives of children who have experienced trauma. Our words carry immense power, either as bridges to understanding and healing or as barriers reinforcing pain and misunderstanding. Adopting a trauma-informed language framework isn’t merely an exercise in political correctness—it’s a fundamental shift that recognises and respects the complex emotional landscapes our foster children navigate daily.

Why Words Matter

Imagine starting your day with a nagging sense of being misunderstood, with people labelling your emotions and actions without acknowledging their origins. For children in foster care, this can be a gripping reality. Our language can either validate their experiences or amplify the distress they’re communicating. The right words help us build relationships rooted in empathy and understanding.

Let’s explore the core principles of compassionate language and see how it can reshape our interactions.

Core Principles of Compassionate Language

1. Describe Experiences, Not People

Shift the Focus: Labelling a child is easy, but describing their experience is more constructive. Rather than saying a child is “difficult, ” recognise that they’re “experiencing complex emotional responses” due to past trauma.
Reframe Behaviour: Instead of labelling actions as “problem B,” understand them as “stress-based “survival strategies or” communication” rooted in fear or unmet needs.

2. Recognise Adaptation, Not Deficit

Understanding Needs: Calling someone “manipulative ” ignores the underlying causes. Instead, see it as “communicating ” unmet needs.
Seeking ” connections: Actions often labelled as “attention“seeking can be reframed as the child seeking connection or a sign of distress.”

3. Contemporary Responses

Emphasise Safety: A child labelled “aggressive” might be” dysregulated ” or experience a ” protective “ response. Recognising this allows us to approach with safety rather than control.
Expressing, Not Acting Out: Rather than seeing actions as “acting out “, view them as “expressing “ unprocessed emotional experiences.”

4. Language of Development

Emotional Growth: Terms like “well-behaved ” or “badly behaved” can be divisive. Instead, all children are in the process of “developing “ emotional regulation skills.”
Positive” Patterns: Instead of seeking “compliance, “focus on a child’s nurturing, learning, and relational patterns.

Transforming Our Words: Examples and Applications

Young People Descriptors

Instead of using terms like “troubles ” or “hard to reach, let’s opt for descriptions that reflect the child’s journey. Let’s describe young people with complex experiences or navigating challenging life circumstances.” These phrases reflect their resilience and the contexts they’ve endured.

Foster Carer Interactions

In fostering environments, describing interactions also shifts our focus. Instead of “controlling “behaviour or “managing “young people, we focus on “supporting “ co-regulation and” supporting “ young people’s developmental journey. This shift highlights our role as facilitators of their Development rather than gatekeepers of behaviour.

Emotional States

When addressing emotional responses, “emotional outburst” or “meltdown” can be framed to signify an “overwhelmed “nervous system response. This change acknowledges the physiological and emotional components, encouraging us to respond with empathy and support.

Organisational Language

Within organisational contexts, we replace “behaviour management” with “development “support, moving from a perspective of fixing problems to one of fostering growth. Similarly, rather than discussing “risk asse“segments, we adopt” safety and support planning,” which emphasises proactive care over reactive measures.

Practical Implementation: Changing Our Approach

1. Create a Household Glossary: Develop a shared language that respects and acknowledges the child’s experiences. Regularly update this with input from everyone involved.
2. Language Awareness Training: Conduct training sessions focusing on trauma-informed communication. This can benefit everyone in the household.
3. Encourage Reflective Discussions: After interactions, discuss any language used that may not have been ideal. Learn from these reflections to improve future communication.
4. Update Documentation Templates: Any written communications should reflect trauma-informed language to ensure consistency.
5. Peer Review Processes: Encourage carers to review each other’s learning documentation and everyday conversation to support ongoing learning and Development.

Why Language Matters

At its core, the language we choose is more than words—it’s about perception, relationships, and the human experience of being understood. Using trauma-informed language recognises that each interaction is a chance for healing and developing positive connections.

As foster carers, we have the privilege of nurturing these relationships. By focusing on language that builds understanding and supports Development, we’re not communicating; we’re transforming lives.

Ongoing Evolution

This guide is not static; it evolves as our understanding deepens and we learn from the children we support. We invite you to regularly review and contribute to these guidelines, incorporating insights from young people, carers, and current research.

Ultimately, embracing compassionate language is about recognising the potential in every child and reaffirming our commitment to their journey of healing and growth. It’s about creating a world where every word supports, guides, and builds—helping these young people thrive against the odds. Let’s make change together, one conversation at a time.