Understanding the Power of Words
The Impact of Language on Relationships
Words are more than just a means of communication; they shape our perceptions and can either build bridges or erect barriers. In the world of foster care, where children often arrive with complex backgrounds and emotional histories, our choice of language becomes a critical tool for healing.
The Role of Language in Foster Care
As foster carers, understanding trauma-informed language helps us create a nurturing environment that respects and honours the experiences of the children in our care. By shifting from deficit-focused to development-focused language, we recognise the child’s past trauma and focus on their potential for growth and healing.
Compassionate Language Practices
Core Principles
1. Describe Experiences, Not People
Our words should reflect what’s happening with the child rather than label them. For instance, instead of saying “difficult child,” we might say “a child experiencing complex emotional responses.”
2. Recognise Adaptation, Not Deficit
The behaviours we see often convey deeper needs. Rather than “manipulative,” consider “communicating unmet needs,” and rather than “attention-seeking,” think “seeking connection.”
3. Contextualise Responses
By understanding the context of a child’s behaviour, we can better support them. Replace “aggressive” with “dysregulated” to acknowledge a protective response, or instead of “acting out,” use “expressing unprocessed emotional experiences.”
4. Language of Development
Focusing on growth rather than judgment is key. Shift from terms like “well-behaved” vs “badly behaved” to “developing emotional regulation skills.”
Specific Terminology Replacements
Young People Descriptors
Instead of: Troublesome, hard to reach, challenging
Use: Young people with complex experiences, young people developing adaptive strategies
Foster Carer Interactions
Instead of: Controlling behaviour, managing young people
Use: Supporting co-regulation, supporting young people’s developmental journey
Emotional States
Instead of: Emotional outburst, meltdown
Use: Emotional expression, an overwhelmed nervous system response
Organisational Language
Instead of: Behaviour management, risk assessment
Use: Developmental support, safety and support planning
Key Linguistic Shifts
– From control to connection
– From compliance to understanding
– From managing behaviour to supporting development
– From problem-focused to relationship-centred
Practical Implementation
Here’s how we can embed trauma-informed language into our daily practice:
1. Create a Family Glossary: Develop a shared set of preferred terms to ensure consistency in communication.
2. Regular Training: Engage in ongoing discussions and training on trauma-informed communication.
3. Reflective Conversations: Facilitate discussions among caregivers about language use and its impact.
4. Update Documentation: Ensure all written communication reflects trauma-informed principles.
5. Peer Review: Implement processes for reviewing each other’s language use in documentation and plans.
Why Language Matters
Language is not just about words—it’s about perception, relationship, and the fundamental human experience of being understood. Trauma-informed language recognises that every interaction is an opportunity for healing, connection, and developmental support.
Ongoing Evolution
This guide is a living document. Language evolves, and our understanding deepens. We should regularly review and update these guidelines, incorporating input from young people, caregivers, and emerging research.
Let us remember that the power of our words can create the space for trust, healing, and growth. By choosing them wisely, we can help transform lives, one interaction at a time. As you continue on this journey, think about how your language today can shape the emotional and relational world of your foster child.
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