Why Words Matter

Foster carers know that the journey of caring for children with complex backgrounds is both challenging and rewarding. Every word we choose to describe their behaviour and experiences can either build bridges or barriers. Trauma-informed language reflects our understanding and shapes how we connect with the young people in our care, fostering (or should we say encouraging) a more supportive environment.

In this guide, we’ll explore how to replace outdated and potentially harmful language with terms that reflect compassion, understanding, and an awareness of trauma. We’ll discuss changes in the way we describe children’s actions and emotional states and highlight why this shift in language matters so much. You’ll gain practical tools for improving communication and building stronger, trust-based relationships with the young people in your home.

The Power of Words in Describing Experiences

Words are powerful tools that can shape our perception of a child’s behaviour. It’s vital to describe experiences without labelling the child negatively, which can perpetuate stigma and hinder growth.

From “Difficult Child” to “Child with Complex Emotional Responses”
Rather than labelling a child as difficult, we can acknowledge they are experiencing complex emotional responses. This small shift recognises their struggle without judging their character.

Transforming “Problem Behaviour” to “Stress-Based Survival Strategies”
Children’s so-called problem behaviours often stem from attempting to cope with stress or past trauma. Reframing these actions as stress-based survival strategies allows us to approach them with empathy and curiosity.

Supporting vs. Controlling
Our goal is to support co-regulation and emotional development rather than controlling behaviour. This fosters a sense of safety and understanding.

Recognising Adaptation, Not Deficit

Labelling behaviours without understanding the child’s intentions or needs is common.

From “Manipulative” to “Communicating Unmet Needs”
When a child is seen as manipulative, it’s crucial to see their actions as attempts to communicate unmet needs. This encourages us to investigate what those needs might be.

Shifting “Attention-Seeking” to “Seeking Connection” or “Signalling Distress”
Instead of viewing behaviours as mere attention-seeking, we acknowledge them as efforts to signal distress or seek connection, paving the way for deeper relational engagement.

Contextualising Responses to Emotional States

Looking at children’s responses within the context of their emotional states can provide insight into their needs and help address underlying issues.

Reframing “Aggressive” to “Dysregulated” or “Experiencing a Protective Response”
Labelling a child as aggressive overlooks the possibility that they might be dysregulated, reacting to past trauma, or feeling unsafe.

Redefining “Emotional Outburst” to “Emotional Expression”
When a child’s emotions boil over, they’re attempting to communicate something important. Recognising emotional expressions allows us to listen more carefully.

Language of Development

Developmental language emphasises growth and future potential, rather than rigid expectations.

Moving from “Well-Behaved” to “Developing Emotional Regulation Skills”
Rather than focusing on compliance, we can highlight the ongoing development of emotional regulation skills.

From “Compliant” to “Learning Relational Patterns”
Referring to a child as compliant overlooks the rich learning of relational interactions they’re engaging in.

Practical Implementation of Trauma-Informed Language

Integrate these shifts into your regular routines and conversations to make them meaningful.

1. Create Your Carer’s Glossary: Develop a shared glossary of trauma-informed terms with other carers.
2. Reflective Communication: Regularly discuss how and why we describe behaviours the way we do.
3. Training Sessions: Conduct language awareness training to keep everyone informed and sensitive.
4. Updating Documentation: Revise your home’s documentation templates to reflect updated language.
5. Peer Review: Establish a peer review process for how written communications describe a child’s experiences.

Key Takeaways

1. Change the Focus: Words should foster connection, not control. This applies equally to how we think and talk about both emotions and behaviours.
2. Recognition of Growth: Acknowledge the nuances of children’s adaptations and growth, rather than their deficits.
3. Contextual Understanding: Always consider behaviours in the context of past experiences and the current environment.
4. Language as a Healing Tool: Each choice of words can contribute to healing or harm — choose wisely.

Conclusion: Ongoing Evolution

Language is alive, and its evolution is informed by education, empathy, and experience. As foster carers, we have the privilege and responsibility to communicate in ways that reflect an understanding of each child’s unique journey. Let’s continue to learn and adapt together, ensuring our words always reflect the love and care we offer.

This guide is just the beginning. As we continue on this journey, remember that every interaction is an opportunity to listen, connect, and support the young people in your care. Let’s work together to build an environment where they feel truly understood and valued.